Its been such a long time since i posted on this blog and the reason i stopped was because i was getting tired of hearing myself moaning. I'm not usually a negative person and i know that my depression can take over and suck the positivity right out of me at times, but i'm glad i can recognise it and try to do something about it at least!
Recently however i have started to become very thoughtful and curious again - i wonder about so many things! Its something i really enjoy doing and it is that sort of thought process i would like to be able to talk about in this blog - Thats what i wanted it to be about originally and so i'm happy to be able to return to it in the right frame of mind again. Today i had a moment of wonder thats i'd like to share and to develop as my mind follows the twists and turns in my head. This was the thought:
Its funny how things you believe get turned on their heads isn't it - I was always taught that telling the truth was the right thing to do when i was a child.......yet the older i get the more it seems that not being honest about things is valued by others. Its no wonder that people get confused!! I open my mouth and the truth comes out, always has and always will - why is it that some people have such a problem with that???
For me to wonder freely with this thought i feel i need to share something relevant to it - Thoughout my life i have had the feeling that i have been labelled as a troublemaker on various occasions. Its not something that i understand much because i'm simply not one of those people who go around trying to stir things up. I believe myself to be a kind, sensitive and genuine person - yes i do believe in calling a spade a spade, but i also try to do it with compassion at least most of the time!
To me a truth is a simple thing - of course there can be various viewpoints about something, but to me a truth is simply a true reflection of what is going on in your head at any given time. We might not want to share everything that goes on in the privacy of our minds - i'm not talking about having no filter of our thoughts, but if we choose to share it is it not simple to just say what has gone through our minds?
Yet it seems that rather than just filtering and smoothing off some of the rough edges of our thoughts, somehow it seems to be more acceptable to actually lie than to tell the truth these days. Is it not easier to actually know what another person is thinking? To me it is a much easier way of living than trying to figure out the fact they actually are thinking "oh that is so awful" when they say "yes thats lovely".
When i think over the difficult times in my life, including this one, the common theme running through it is one of not understanding. Yet i'm not a stupid person, i understand a great deal of things. The confusion therefore has almost always related to the fact that i have been told one thing and yet experienced the opposite. Its confusing for someone to say they love you yet their actions indicate they don't want to spend any time with you is it not? Its confusing for someone to say they are a friend when their actions show betrayal! For me most recently its confusing for an organisation to say they value people with experience of mental illness when they trample over you at the first signs of depression!
Many times i have wondered how i could get something so wrong, yet the only thing i believe i have done is actually take someone at their word. Do i miss some sort of social unwritten rule? We all know the one about answering the question "does my bum look big in this?" Surely i'm not the only one who actually would prefer if someone said "well its not the best really, why not wear that one instead?"
Is it a cultural thing? I don't know! All in know is i was taught its a good thing to tell the truth, yet i seem to get into trouble for telling the truth, and not only that but the people doing the opposite of what they say just glide on through without a worry in the world! It really does make me think i am crazy at times - it turns my head inside out wondering how they don't get caught out in their dishonesty when to me its as clear as the nose on my face! Do people really not want to know the truth? Or is it only if its a truth they want to hear? Are we not big enough to be able to hear something that may be less than flattering?
Personally i believe life would be so much easier if we didn't have to pretend we like the meal someone has made in fear of looking rude! Is it not more rude to leave most of the meal and the person wondering what was wrong with it than simply to say "I'm sorry i don't like jam on my beans!!" LOL! Is it not easier to actually have trust in what a person says rather than trying to read between the lines or figure out what they are actually thinking? and how much wondering and confusion would it save us all if we knew that the promises made by anyone were genuine! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know it would certainly save a lot of headaches and heartaches.......so why is it that its not as simple as "doing what it says on the tin"!
Recently however i have started to become very thoughtful and curious again - i wonder about so many things! Its something i really enjoy doing and it is that sort of thought process i would like to be able to talk about in this blog - Thats what i wanted it to be about originally and so i'm happy to be able to return to it in the right frame of mind again. Today i had a moment of wonder thats i'd like to share and to develop as my mind follows the twists and turns in my head. This was the thought:
Its funny how things you believe get turned on their heads isn't it - I was always taught that telling the truth was the right thing to do when i was a child.......yet the older i get the more it seems that not being honest about things is valued by others. Its no wonder that people get confused!! I open my mouth and the truth comes out, always has and always will - why is it that some people have such a problem with that???
For me to wonder freely with this thought i feel i need to share something relevant to it - Thoughout my life i have had the feeling that i have been labelled as a troublemaker on various occasions. Its not something that i understand much because i'm simply not one of those people who go around trying to stir things up. I believe myself to be a kind, sensitive and genuine person - yes i do believe in calling a spade a spade, but i also try to do it with compassion at least most of the time!
To me a truth is a simple thing - of course there can be various viewpoints about something, but to me a truth is simply a true reflection of what is going on in your head at any given time. We might not want to share everything that goes on in the privacy of our minds - i'm not talking about having no filter of our thoughts, but if we choose to share it is it not simple to just say what has gone through our minds?
Yet it seems that rather than just filtering and smoothing off some of the rough edges of our thoughts, somehow it seems to be more acceptable to actually lie than to tell the truth these days. Is it not easier to actually know what another person is thinking? To me it is a much easier way of living than trying to figure out the fact they actually are thinking "oh that is so awful" when they say "yes thats lovely".
When i think over the difficult times in my life, including this one, the common theme running through it is one of not understanding. Yet i'm not a stupid person, i understand a great deal of things. The confusion therefore has almost always related to the fact that i have been told one thing and yet experienced the opposite. Its confusing for someone to say they love you yet their actions indicate they don't want to spend any time with you is it not? Its confusing for someone to say they are a friend when their actions show betrayal! For me most recently its confusing for an organisation to say they value people with experience of mental illness when they trample over you at the first signs of depression!
Many times i have wondered how i could get something so wrong, yet the only thing i believe i have done is actually take someone at their word. Do i miss some sort of social unwritten rule? We all know the one about answering the question "does my bum look big in this?" Surely i'm not the only one who actually would prefer if someone said "well its not the best really, why not wear that one instead?"
Is it a cultural thing? I don't know! All in know is i was taught its a good thing to tell the truth, yet i seem to get into trouble for telling the truth, and not only that but the people doing the opposite of what they say just glide on through without a worry in the world! It really does make me think i am crazy at times - it turns my head inside out wondering how they don't get caught out in their dishonesty when to me its as clear as the nose on my face! Do people really not want to know the truth? Or is it only if its a truth they want to hear? Are we not big enough to be able to hear something that may be less than flattering?
Personally i believe life would be so much easier if we didn't have to pretend we like the meal someone has made in fear of looking rude! Is it not more rude to leave most of the meal and the person wondering what was wrong with it than simply to say "I'm sorry i don't like jam on my beans!!" LOL! Is it not easier to actually have trust in what a person says rather than trying to read between the lines or figure out what they are actually thinking? and how much wondering and confusion would it save us all if we knew that the promises made by anyone were genuine! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know it would certainly save a lot of headaches and heartaches.......so why is it that its not as simple as "doing what it says on the tin"!
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