There are a lot of things that we take for granted in life......until they are taken away from us. For me one of those things was my income. Although i have had some long term absences from work due to health reasons i have usually been lucky enough to have been paid during these times. Unfortunately as i was taking my income for granted i did get myself into a situation with credit cards and loans etc while i was working - it was fine while i was earning but as soon as my sick pay stopped i was in trouble - big trouble!!
Considering the amount of stress that is associated with financial difficulties in general, never mind when you also have to deal with mental health issues as well, this had to be one of the most urgent issues that i needed to take care of. The problem is this: how exactly do you 'take care' of financial issues when every time you try to think about it your head turns all the figures and names into a jumble, when your head is so confused you can't even read what is written on a piece of paper - thats if you can even just get the courage up to open the letter in the first place.
On top of that then there are all sorts of issues about having to admit to being in trouble - everyone who has ever had to speak to someone with regard to their finances probably has had the same sort of feelings of embarrassment and shame - I'm not trying to say that this feeling is unique at all, what is different though is how those feelings feed the already negative view of yourself when you also have depression. It provides yet another set of evidence 'proving' just how stupid, hopeless, useless and worthless you are when you can't even deal with your own finances - there does seem to be a particular sense of irresponsibility associated with money issues doesn't there? I guess its that association with it being 'your own fault' that as an adult you 'should know better' - all of this is exaggerated when depression is twisting your thoughts, and that is a very dangerous combination.
Despite having got myself into this difficulty I have never had financial problems before - i have always been proud of the fact that i was a hard working and responsible person when it came to money. I honestly don't remember a time when i had to ask anyone for money - i was always in control of it so much so that i was able to make various investments at the age of 18 - not that i have any of them left anymore.
Now looking back over things i know that i was overstretching myself, i can see that i got lured into having too many credit cards with the promise of 0% interest deals, but perhaps most of all i never expected to be unable to work. Anyone reading this may think well perhaps i should have had some kind of income insurance, and trust me i had looked into all of these options. However because i had depression almost before i began my working life i would not have been entitled to any payment through any of these insurance schemes.
So, how was i to cope? I had all sorts of debts to pay as well as my mortgage payments and living expenses - I had no option but to ask for help. I eventually contacted CCCS and explained the circumstances as best i could in my state of mind and I have to say they were extremely helpful. It took me several telephone appointments with them to get all the information together but once i was able to just tell them the information about who i owed money to and the amount i owed to each of them they just took all of that information and came up with a payment plan - it literally took away any of the need to think about anything which is exactly what i needed. I now just have the one payment to make - i pay CCCS every month by direct debit and they deal with everything on my behalf. You have no idea how much stress that lifted from me. They also were able to tell me about various things i could apply for which i had no idea of - help with my rates for example. I did still have quite a bit of trouble filling in the forms if i am honest - i could only maybe answer 1 or 2 questions at any one time, but at least i got there in the end.
I am still finding bills coming in that i was completely unaware of or simply wasn't expecting, and i have had to ask for quite a lot of help with these things over the past few years. I still find it extremely difficult to admit that i can't cope with my finances - quite frankly if i get any bill in that is not included in my CCCS plan i usually don't know what to do with it. Sometimes i feel like i am taking one step forward and then 10 backwards where money is concerned, however i do try to be as frugal as i can so i can pay an extra £1 off a bill if possible and i use as many vouchers as possible - usually ones i have 'earned' online by using various get paid to websites - get paid to search, get paid to watch adverts, collecting points in whatever way i can really. Its not a living, or anywhere near it, but the way i see it now is literally every penny counts - i save all my pennies (the little copper ones!) and pay them off another bill when i get £1. It may take me many many years to get debt free again and if i ever manage to repair my credit file it will be a miracle........but each extra £1 i pay off my debts is another step closer to being back in control of that stuff that apparently makes the world go round! I'll be happy when it just makes the bills go away!
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