Hmmmmmmm, without looking back at my previous post i am guessing it was about truth, so it seems a bit ironic that this post is about opening my mouth and putting my foot in it........I suppose when i think about it, i am simply confirming my confusion about when and how and why (or why not) it is 'right' to tell the truth!
I upset a friend today! I was trying to be helpful and it all went a bit wrong :( I was also trying to be sensitive to their needs and yet it backfired and appeared to them to be something quite the opposite of sensitivity. It was interesting to find however, when we discussed it that what i truly thought to be a 'helping action' was possibly more about my needs than theirs. Perhaps i should try to explain.......
My friend confided in me about a problem they were having and about the impact it was having on their life, and me being me tried to come up with an idea to help - I am a problem solver, I know that - give me a problem and i will turn it over in my head until i can come up with some ideas that might help to resolve the problem. I am not saying i am particularly good at it or anything, just that my mind works in this way almost automatically. I will then share ideas, or try them out myself if it is my problem, and this is what i did today. Nothing wrong with that you might think....but the question going around in my head is about whose needs was i trying to meet?
I hate to see anyone struggling, and this feeling is very much intensified when that person is someone i care about. So does that mean i am actually responding to my own needs by trying to help???? It is like that belief that there really is no such thing as an altruistic act. This does not come as any real surprise to me i have to point out - the concept of altruism is something i have pondered over many a time!!!! My point here is did i put my foot in it because i was following my own needs to help, rather than actually being helpful? Are the two things even separable??? Do you see where the confusion kicks in???? Have i melted your head yet??? LOL!!!
To add to the confusion of the day, i also had an experience where i decided to tell the truth about something else, to another friend. It was a day for honesty it seems! Oddly however this truth was the one that i was expecting to backfire to a certain extent: I had hidden something from this person and decided to fess up to it today. Yet this truth was met with thanks and worked out very well which did surprise me to a certain extent, but was also good :) It also makes my head go totally dolally though cos how is one truth right and one truth wrong???????? Its not the whose need is being met theory because it was my need to confess that motivated the second truth........
Oh, hold the phone.......friend number one just came back to me and said us being honest with each other is a good thing and we should keep doing it even though it can be a bit upsetting at times!!!! So today the truth wins the bet :) I am happy yet still confused.......I think about things too much - is that what you are thinking??? I know! It wouldn't be the Journal of a Crazy Person without me sharing my mad thoughts now would it????
I upset a friend today! I was trying to be helpful and it all went a bit wrong :( I was also trying to be sensitive to their needs and yet it backfired and appeared to them to be something quite the opposite of sensitivity. It was interesting to find however, when we discussed it that what i truly thought to be a 'helping action' was possibly more about my needs than theirs. Perhaps i should try to explain.......
My friend confided in me about a problem they were having and about the impact it was having on their life, and me being me tried to come up with an idea to help - I am a problem solver, I know that - give me a problem and i will turn it over in my head until i can come up with some ideas that might help to resolve the problem. I am not saying i am particularly good at it or anything, just that my mind works in this way almost automatically. I will then share ideas, or try them out myself if it is my problem, and this is what i did today. Nothing wrong with that you might think....but the question going around in my head is about whose needs was i trying to meet?
I hate to see anyone struggling, and this feeling is very much intensified when that person is someone i care about. So does that mean i am actually responding to my own needs by trying to help???? It is like that belief that there really is no such thing as an altruistic act. This does not come as any real surprise to me i have to point out - the concept of altruism is something i have pondered over many a time!!!! My point here is did i put my foot in it because i was following my own needs to help, rather than actually being helpful? Are the two things even separable??? Do you see where the confusion kicks in???? Have i melted your head yet??? LOL!!!
To add to the confusion of the day, i also had an experience where i decided to tell the truth about something else, to another friend. It was a day for honesty it seems! Oddly however this truth was the one that i was expecting to backfire to a certain extent: I had hidden something from this person and decided to fess up to it today. Yet this truth was met with thanks and worked out very well which did surprise me to a certain extent, but was also good :) It also makes my head go totally dolally though cos how is one truth right and one truth wrong???????? Its not the whose need is being met theory because it was my need to confess that motivated the second truth........
Oh, hold the phone.......friend number one just came back to me and said us being honest with each other is a good thing and we should keep doing it even though it can be a bit upsetting at times!!!! So today the truth wins the bet :) I am happy yet still confused.......I think about things too much - is that what you are thinking??? I know! It wouldn't be the Journal of a Crazy Person without me sharing my mad thoughts now would it????
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